7/6/09

Yesterday I ended up not eating one of my apples and one grissini. My husband made the most beautiful dinner on the grill - grilled chicken with grilled asparagus. I mixed it with baby greens and a tiny amount of FF bleu cheese. It was delicious!! So nice that the meat can be grilled this time of year, it gives it such a fabulous flavor. We grilled up enough meat for the next four days for me. And this morning.....down five pounds!! Hooray!!!! I was 163, one pound lower than my initial weigh in weight! Going to a ball game tonight, I hope it's not too difficult to stay away from the hot dogs and cracker jacks.

The second round begins! 7/5/09

You know, I stopped posting because the HCG just quit working for me. I never got below 160, an amount I reached in the first 20 days. I found the diet was so restrictive that I could not resist cheating - just a little bit - every day. Lesson learned from that - you DO NOT lose when you cheat. I stayed exactly the same.

I struggled on my time off. Most days I was great, some days I was horrible. Food is an addiction, and it was very difficult to stay on track. I began my second round of HCG on July 3rd two pounds over my last weigh in weight, so at 164. I resolved to do much better this time around. I REALLY loaded up on my load days, it helped that it was over a holiday! I ate so much it made me sick to my stomach. But I did not load properly the first time around, and I think this hindered my progress. This time I was stuffing my face pretty much all day each day. And I sure put on the pounds -- I weighed 168.5 today. Yuck. I feel just awful, it's terrible to be so heavy on my small frame.

Today is my first VLC day. I had an apple for breakfast, organic baby greens and 3.5 ounces chicken with a tiny amount of FF dressing. I found this really great
'salad shaker' at the grocery store - you just put in a very small amount of dressing and then push the top down and SHAKE. Every leaf gets flavor on it, so you end up using a tiny bit of dressing. For dinner - more of the same!! I found that it helps me, at least, if I am pretty unimaginative with my meals. I need to keep it simple.

I planned to start now, as it was the earliest I could go back on it. But I have a week long vacation planned for up north, we leave on the 11th and return on the 18th. What helps is that we have resolved to watch our pennies as best we can, and buy groceries instead of all the trips out to eat (which gets expensive with two of us and three kids!!) So I am going to be a REALLY cheap date on this vacation!! I always lose some weight in the summer anyway, something about the heat and the thought of my thighs jiggling in those shorts keeps my appetite in check. Oh no - the worst??? Muffin top. I hate it. Glad it's going to be disappearing soon.

Tuesday, April 28

Down to 160.5 pounds today. The 150's are in sight!! I have found that if I stall, something that works is an apple and egg day. I eat as many apples as I want - usually three or four, and I have scrambled or hard boiled eggs for lunch and dinner, two for each meal. This results in a loss of at least 1 pound overnight - sometimes 2 pounds. I have also found that an occassional diet pop is a real treat. I know it's not good for me, but on this journey of deprivation I welcome any special treat that doesn't cause the pounds to hang on more tightly!

Saturday, April 25

162 today. I lost 1.5 pounds overnight. So far I have lost 13 pounds - I can tell the difference. But I have so much more to lose that it's frustrating. Also, I am fighting from being down about other things in my life. I read the most beautiful thing in my Tolle book this morning, about how when there is a loss in your life it feels like a death. This becomes a hole in your existence, because what was once there is now gone. And you shouldn't fight the sadness, just be with it. God shines his light through that emptiness, through that hole, and through this you can find real peace. I hope this is true.

Tuesday, April 22

164 today, same as yesterday. Actually I was thrilled to see that I hadn't gained. Yesterday I went off the diet for the very first time. I was spending the day with a dear friend, and it was so festive and fun...and we were at a restaurant that is FAMOUS for it's macaroni and cheese, which is my total downfall. So, I had a salad with grilled chicken, almonds, bleu cheese and dried cherries, with a side of mac and cheese. I ate it and thoroughly enjoyed it -- and then I was SICK. My stomach hurt so bad I didn't think I was going to make through the rest of the day!! It took almost two hours before I felt well again, and even then I was still feeling a bit icky. I was thrilled to be back on plan again today. No tummy hurting, no bathroom issues, no questions. However, tonight I have a big awards dinner to go to - I had nominated one of my students for an award, and she won - and this place has amazing food. Luckily, and this is ironic, I have a migraine. When I have a migraine I just can't eat much. So I am eating my chicken breast right now, and I'll go to the dinner full. And feeling nauseous from the headache. I'm not eating my veggies so I can eat those there, that way I'll still be 'social'. I'll post later regarding how I did!!

Saturday, April 18

Hooray!! I am done 2 whole pounds today, I weighed 165.5 this morning! Yesterday was most easier than I thought, but not exactly super fun. I ended up eating 3 apples and two eggs. I couldn't do only apples, and the eggs seemed to have worked out just fine. I made a mistake today and went to Zumba, my Latin dance class. I had NO energy. It was, unfortunately, the worst workout of all time, LOL! I worked up a sweat but it was a godsend that I got there late and had to be in the back. Usually I stand right up front next to the instructor, and I keep up with her move for move. But today I was just stumbling around, absolutely exhausted. I feel better now that I have eaten some more protein. I had an apple for breakfast and for lunch I had 3.5 ounces of grilled chicken with one slice of veggie cheese in place of the veggies. I am thrilled apple day is a thing of the past! And every day it becomes more and more clear just how addicted I was - am - to food. It's not like quitting smoking. With that, you throw out the cigs, stop going places where there is smoking, and have immediate rewards like more money, better breath, no more hiding. But food is EVERYWHERE, it is such a huge part of socializing, and no matter what I always have to eat several times a day. I feel that this addiction is much larger and pervasive than a drug addiction, or smoking. I have to eat. So this is a major paradigm shift. With all that said, it is getting easier and easier every day to stick to the diet and stay on track.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Ok, so I've been stuck at 167.5 for the past three days. Today I did an apple day, which is where you eat only apples (up to 6) for the whole day. My doctor recommends this whenever you have stayed at a certain weight for over two days. This afternoon, I found out why I stalled - my period! I actually couldn't do only apples, so I ate two scrambled eggs for dinner. Only fruit does NOT fill you up. Days 7 and 8 were so hard for me, I was unbelievably hungry. It isn't so bad now, much easier to stay on track. Here's hoping for a huge loss for tomorrow!!